you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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