I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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