i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall