WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
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my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
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My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring