Even the bartender felt bad for me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.