I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby