dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
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The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.