I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
