Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
