:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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