Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
