a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
