we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
