the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
time to smoke my breakfast
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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