I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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