Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
