last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
