I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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