She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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