This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
