I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
