she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
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Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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