We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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