know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
