We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
