we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have already put on my inside pants.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
