All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
