What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
