your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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