You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
