i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
