So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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