he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
