Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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