can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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