Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
