Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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