It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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