her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
