p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
