are you so shy because you have an std?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
