dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
