Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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