just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
