i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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