Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
