now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
