one might say we're banned from that church
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
