Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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