pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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