It's Friday. Sex?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
