so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I party with great urgency now.
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