I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
