Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
