I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
