there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
