I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
