Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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