I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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