If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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