I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
