Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
