and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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