careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
