i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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